I haven't posted anything in a looooooong time....I nearly forgot I had a blog. So I may start up again....I'll catch you up on our lives later....today I just wanted to write about some fierce anger and questions that I've been wrestling with lately. I'm generally not an angry person at all....it takes a lot to make me mad. But today was different... I was wasting time on fb and noticed that several people were posting on a college friend's timeline that they were sorry and were praying for her. So I wanted to find out what was going on....she lost her baby in utero when her due date was only two weeks away. I can't even imagine. She will deliver her dead son today. Hard to swallow that down isn't it? It's horrible. It makes me so angry! Why does crap like that happen???? And I've come to hate the phrase, "God is in control"..... Really?! God is in control of unbelievable heartache? I don't want to believe in that God. God is in control of divorce, depression, hatred, racism, death, human trafficking, suffering, oppression????? Is He?? How can that be? I believe in a loving, self-sacrificing God....and I love Jesus and believe Him to be the Savior of the world.....but I cannot, for the life of me, believe that my God is in control of, or making evil happen. That doesn't make sense. And those words of God being in control are not comforting to those going through heartache. Yes, I believe God can use any situation to mold us....but is God making heartache happen, controlling every human act of sin and evil? Where is the line between God's sovereignty and man's free will?
My husband likened God's sovereignty to that of a King over a Kingdom. That while a King "rules" the Kingdom, he does not determine all that happens within it. That makes much more sense to me. But it still doesn't answer that question of why bad things happen, or what to do with all this earthly heartache. I guess my anger has subsided a bit with writing this all out....now the question in my head is "how do you provide hope to the hurting and those who are heartbroken?". Especially if they do not have faith in God. What do we do??