more pics

this is pretty much what i look like at all times these days.....completely tired, greasy and generally disgusting! :)
removing the dressing at the hospital since it had seeped through every layer!


and there it is!! the beastly one! :)

surgery!

well, it's day 3 after surgery.....here's a recap since thursday:

*went in for surgery at saint mary's north at 7:00am

*took me back at 8am to get IV going and all the prep work

*began surgery at 9:30

*finished surgery at 12:00

everything went perfectly with the surgery. because of the location and shape of my defect, they had to do two plugs of bone instead of one big one. kind of like a snowman. this helped them shape it better to the contour of my bone. and they ended up nailing them in. i was admitted for a 23 hour stay, which i was happy about. saint mary's north is brand new and super nice. i got suite 3030 which someone said was peyton manning's suite. super nice and HUGE! and other than the nurses kind of being ding-dongs, the stay was really nice. and as long as they kept the demoral shots coming, i stayed pretty pain free and happy. they brought in a CPM unit (continuous passive motion) which i started on....it's a contraption that you put your leg in and it bends/straightens your leg for you. the doctor wanted me to get to 0 degrees extension and 90 degrees flexion. and i'm already doing better than that, so i'm happy!

my first evening home (friday) was pretty rough. i got a little behind on my medicine (oxycontin and percocet) since we had to get the Rx filled....and until i got caught up, i was brought to tears a few times. hurt like the dickens. my knee felt like it was just gonna rip apart; and a lot of my pain was actually from my hip flexor - i am continually trying to compensate for my knee by using my hip and it gets super tired and sore. but i can't help but use it! anyhow....by bedtime friday night most of my pain was under control, and i had an ok night of sleep. and each day continues to get better. i'm still staying consistent with the pain meds - have been trying to space them out a bit more today. but i figure for the first week i'd better use them!

today on the CPM, i was at -5 extension and 100 flexion. pretty pumped about that. plus i was able to stretch my hip out really good.....and that felt SO good. it's just so tense all the time! been trying to do quad sets (just tightening my quads) and working on a leg lift. still can't do that. dustin assures me it's normal.

the girls have done really well so far. molly's been a good little helper and adie hasn't jumped on me, so i'd say that's pretty incredible. they've been troopers. and dustin has been wonderful. and my mom is pretty awesome too. i've got lots of help and tons of food. it's nice to be surrounded by such helpful and loving people. i'll try to keep updating on my progress!

diary of a knee

so i figured i'd use my blog to keep track of my progress with my knee. here's a recap:

-8 years old, knee pain/giving out

-high school - diagnosed with osteochondritis dissecans; told to stop playing sports if i wanted it to stop hurting; did not stop playing sports....it didn't hurt THAT bad

-college to present - continued playing sports and just dealing with a bum knee

-january 25, 2010 - flat out tripped running full speed playing intramural basketball, landed right on my right knee; took myself out of the game and iced when i got home

-february 5, 2010 - woke up with a hugely swollen knee and figured i must have done something to it

-2/5-2/12 - went to physical therapy to try to get rid of swelling and figure out what was wrong

-2/19 - appt. with dr. winn at MOC; ordered MRI

-2/24 - MRI

-3/2 - appt. with dr. winn to review MRI....told me he didn't feel confident dealing with my problem, referred me to dr. mathien/dr. rappe' (now getting concerned that it's not just something minor)

-3/5 - appt. with dr. rappe'; showed me my MRI and told me i would need to have an osteoarticular allograft done (see pics); took all hope of anything minor and threw it out the window

-3/11 - appt. with dr. mathien/dr. rappe' to ask any/all questions about the procedure; i took 2 pages of questions with me; dr. mathien took a lot of time to explain everything and made me feel very confident that i was in good hands; now just waiting for a donor bone; insurance already approved procedure

-4/21 - received a call from KOC, donor bone has been received; scheduled surgery for may 6

will update after surgery on my progress....was told initially that i will be 2 months non-weight bearing/full range of motion; crutches and toned arms, here i come.

15 years ago today....

2/5/95 was the day i went on my very first date with dustin. 15 years ago. wow. he took me bowling....he had a broken right wrist....which was good for this competitive girl. and we went to wal-mart where he bought me fake flowers and sprayed them with vanilla air freshener. i think we also went to weigel's and got some cappuccinos.

that was the beginning of our story. and now, 15 years, 2 beautiful girls, and a great dog later, we are at 2/5/10. so much has happened in 15 years!! it seems like forever ago and yesterday all at the same time. i think about the words of the song my brother wrote for me for our wedding...."most of all i wish you change". honestly, i didn't really get what he meant at first. but now i think i do. when i married dustin, i thought i loved him. but as i think about how i love him now, i realize that i didn't have a clue then. with every year, with the birth of molly, the diagnosis of diabetes, the loss of baby #2, crossings, the birth of adelyn.....all of it has made me love and appreciate what a wonderful man dustin is. he is an incredible father - he loves our girls more than they will ever understand. he loves to be with us and always puts us first.....i love that he'd rather be with us than anywhere else in the world. he continues to grow in his love for Jesus - and he helps me to grow by challenging my thinking and helping me to be more generous and less self-focused. i love that he is handy and that he is such a hard worker. i love that he is a good friend to others. i love that he can always make me laugh. i love that he is my voice of reason when my emotions can get the best of me....he can always bring me back to reality. i love that he is supportive of me. i love that i love him so much - and i can't wait to see what i think in another 15 years! i hope i think i was as clueless now as i think i was 15 years ago. i hope i see a lot of change and growth in our love. i'm sure i will. dustin, i love you and i always will!!!!

our date with molly

yesterday dustin and i took molly out on a date. my mama watched adie for us so we could take molly to a movie and out to dinner. we all had so much fun. we saw the movie "shorts" - and it was really good, plus, apparently tuesdays at the theater are $1 day for popcorn and drinks. sweet deal. we were the only people in the entire theater...i mean the whole place, not just our movie. looks like nobody knows about that $1 deal....well now you know.

then we took her out to olive garden for supper since she could probably live on spaghetti. it was just so much fun to focus our attention solely on her. but we did talk about how we all missed adie joy. we talked about the movie (its all about a wishing rock) and we asked her what she'd wish for. she said, and i kid you not, "i would wish to grow up faster so i can see Jesus." oh, that girl. :)

the start to kindergarten has been anything but smooth for our sweet girl who hates change. the very first day (when all the class was present....a week ago monday) the school secretary called me b/c molly was sobbing in her office - saying her stomach hurt. good grief. it was only 9:30, and when she left home, she was fine. so i went to the school to talk to her. so we talked for about 10 minutes and she finally admitted that she got too hot (the AC in her class room is really messed up and it gets to about 80 before the unit kicks on), and then she got overwhelmed with all the kids being there, and then she remembered that she wasn't going to see me that evening b/c i had an away volleyball game.....put it all together, and what do you get? a molly so worked up and crying that her stomach hurts. and that was day one.

since that day, every morning is a battle of some kind - and generally, every morning she declares that she does not want to go to school. add to that that she has been having nightmares at night and waking up 2-3 times each night, and it makes for horribly grumpy mornings and a frazzled, frustrated mother. i read some about the nightmares, and it is normal for kids who are anxious about kindergarten.....it doesn't make sense to her to be scared about school, so subconsciously she has nightmares which are OK to be scared of, thus justifying her fear. (i feel like i just sounded way smarter than i really am) so each morning there is some drama to deal with - whether it be a seam in a sock, shorts that "feel weird" or hair that doesn't look right....any and all of it sent her into a crying fit-throwing break-down. UNTIL today.

oh, praise Jesus. today was the best day yet. she has had 2 full nights of sleep in a row. (she told us yesterday that she wasn't scared anymore from the nightmares b/c "it's silly to be scared about monsters; monsters aren't even real; and even if they were real, Jesus would take care of me!" and then she said, "i have to admit, i had to tell myself that a few times before i really believed it." :) precious child.) and there was absolutely NO drama at all this morning. she got ready like a big girl and headed off to school like it was no big deal. hopefully we're starting a new trend! even though she is high-maintenance most times, and generally takes every ounce of patience that i can muster, i am so proud of her and excited to see the woman she will become. she has such a tender heart, and a pure love of God....it's beautiful. and, to me, she's worth all the drama. :)

my BABY is growing up too!!

adelyn had her first day of "pre-school" yesterday. it's actually just a mother's day out program, but we called it "school". she did absolutely fantastic. no tears at all, peed on the potty while she was there, and i was told, "she is very smart and a great listener!" i'm so proud of her. it was harder yesterday for me than it was taking molly to kindergarten. i didn't cry, but just kind of felt sad that my BABY is growing up too! sigh.

i just love my girls so much. it blows my mind how much. i can't describe it. they mean the world to me. yesterday i did cry later b/c i was watching the news and there was a sentencing trial going on for a man who helped take the lives of a local young couple...channon christian and chris newsome. it was heart-wrenching to watch as channon's parents took the stand to make their statement before the sentencing. she was only 21, and she sounded like such a beautiful, caring person....the kind of girl i would hope my girls turn in to.... and her parents won't ever get to see her get married or have her own children. i couldn't help but think of my own sweet girls....so the tears came easily. for them, and selfishly for me...if i were ever to be in their shoes... i can't imagine their pain. how in the world would you move on and forgive? only through Christ. and i can't imagine the pain that Christ must feel - for all people involved. the pain in this world was never meant to be. i think Jesus cries when we cry, and hurts when we hurt. well....didn't mean to go off on a little tangent there. guess that's just what i'm thinking about this morning.

somebody stop time, please!!!

oh my goodness. molly had her first day of kindergarten yesterday. she LOVED it. dustin and i dropped her off together....we both held it together - but dad got a little teary. it's just crazy that she is in school now. i mean, before you know it she'll be getting her driver's license and heading to college! of course, there's so much fun to look forward to with every stage of life...but sometimes don't you just want to keep them little forever? sigh.

and my big adelyn joy is peeing on the potty!! she's really been getting it down the last 2 days...only 1 accident so far today. we got dum-dum suckers as a potty reward, and every time she's done peeing, she promptly says, "sucker?". she had 3 before noon today. :) still haven't mastered pooping yet. which i just really don't get. so many kids seem to have issues with pooping on the potty - i mean, really? you really would rather have that squished into a pull-up? whatevs. we'll get there soon enough. i'm just glad she's at least getting the peeing down.

on a completely different note...

volleyball training/conditioning week is over. i feel pretty good about my team. hoping for a great year. i was really happy to sleep in til 8:00 today! i was pretty worn out! my life's about to get crazy hectic....and, oh yeah, dustin and i are coaching basketball this year. yep, that means practice in the gym from august to march. yikes. but we're looking forward to it. that's all for now!