time is fleeting

"you have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.  each man's life is but a breath." -psalm 39:5

for the last couple weeks, i have been struck by the weight of this passage....realizing it in my own life.  seriously, where has time gone?  on tuesday i took molly to kindergarten round-up at gap creek elementary school - what the heck?  since when do i have a child entering school?  really?!  (she loved every minute of it, by the way.  she is totally pumped about starting and she "can't wait to eat in the cafeteria".)  i just can't believe it.  i can't believe that molly is 5 1/2 when i can so clearly remember the day of her birth like it was yesterday.  dustin and i talked about all of this this morning...(he even got teary...shhhhh) and it is just so unreal.  and i don't want to waste my life.  i want to serve and love Jesus in the way i live, and it seems that i've just kind of "gotten by" for the last 5 1/2 years without TRULY asking how God wants me to serve Him.  i mean, sure, i've tried to raise my kids to know and love Him, and i've tried to do my job with integrity and have tried to point people to God......but i don't know that i have truly sought out His will for my life every single day - and now 2,007ish days later it hits me.  life IS fleeting.  and i want to make the most of it.  Jesus help me!

how do you do it?

my life seems crazy busy.  lately i have felt like there's not enough time in the day to get everything done that needs to be done.  so generally, i feel lousy because i'm not doing GREAT at much of anything......there is always a pile of laundry to be washed or put away; that one year bible thing?  yeah, always reading extra to catch up; bathrooms clean?  no, not really; dog fed?  sometimes....i usually DO remember, but sometimes i'm a little late;  on time anywhere?  nope.  i'm officially a blackburn (and being late is my #1 pet peave....sigh); exercising?  wait a minute - what is that?

how do you do it?  how do you keep up with all that motherhood and a full-time job require and feel like you're doing it all WELL?  things are always being neglected - like blogging...defintiely not a top priority, obviously, cleaning the bathrooms, quite time with Jesus, quality time with Dustin, the never-ending laundry......it could just go on and on!!!  and, of course, i wouldn't trade my children for anything in the world - but this motherhood thing definitely ain't for sissies.  i guess the responsibility of it all just gets overwhelming at times - and i want to do the best that i can....but sometimes my best isn't very good, and i hate that.  your advise?  how do you do it?  

my one year bible

i am really enjoying my new one year bible.  i got it a week ago or so and it has been so good for me.  i have been struggling to stay in the word for quite some time really - and each time i would sit down to read, i felt like i was floundering to find what to read.  so i would be frustrated and feel ridiculous (i DID graduate from a bible college, for heaven's sake) and generally put it away without reading much of anything.  

so anyhow....a few weeks ago it seemed i kept reading things or hearing others mention a one year bible, so i thought, "hey, doesn't sound like a bad idea...and maybe this would help me get back into really loving my time with the Lord".  so i start in the middle of february and the bulk of what i read is from leviticus in the old testament.....not typically what i would call "fun" reading by any stretch of the imagination.  but God is meeting me in these times of reading through leviticus.  

the other day i read of bezalel (i think that was his name) and how God had given him special artistic talents and he was the guy God used to make all the intricate details of the tabernacle.  there was all this fabric with detailed embroidery and golden and wooden stuff.  anyhow.....the israelite community supplied bezalel with everything he needed to do what God had called him to do.  and it emphasized this (or this is what was emphasized to me when i read)....that the community continued to give and give and give until finally bezalel had to tell them to stop giving!  so that made me think....what if our faith communities (or churches) were like that?  what if we were to give and give and give???  how would God use that to help bring shalom to our communities?  

and then i read today about moses purifying aaron and his sons to be the priests in order for them to be able to present sacrifices on behalf of the israelites.  wow....it was quite a process!  i mean lots of specific instructions on wear to put blood, how to put it, what to burn and where to burn it.....i mean SO much stuff.  all so the unholy priests could be made holy in order to be able to make things right between the unholy israelites and our very holy God.  

i'm not for sure what to think about all of this....  on one hand - i sure am glad that none of this sacrificing stuff has to happen any more.  that i don't have to bring a dove or goat or anything to give to a priest in order to make things right between me and God.  and it makes me so thankful for what Jesus has done in order for me NOT to have to do all of that.  but then on the other hand....b/c i have not had to go through all of the sacrificing stuff that the israelites had to - i don't know that i appreciate truly the gift of Jesus' sacrifice.  not sure if this is making sense.....  but all of it to say i am so thankful for what Jesus has done for me - but i know i'm not thankful enough.

teary eyed

i have watched a decent amount of the inauguration today of president obama.  and for some reason, i keep tearing up!!  i hate politics mostly, and really don't pay much attention to a lot of it.....i couldn't tell you where politicians stand on certain issues or anything.  but there is something momentous about this day that just keeps getting me all teary.  when i think about the suffering that so many black people have gone through in this country because of stupid, racist white people it gets me so mad and upset.....but then to know that our country now has a black president is just incredible.  i have enjoyed hearing the news people talk of martin luther king jr and his "dream" and vision for what this country could be......and seeing a little bit of that dream realized today was just historical.  i know that we have a long way to go to get rid of all racism in this country, but to know that enough people of all races voted for president obama is just really cool, i think.    

common meal

last sunday our church (crossings...love it) moved to market square for worship and we started having 2 services. dustin and i decided that molly is getting old enough now that she could sit in "big church" for one service and start learning from mark's teachings.  she did very well throughout the service (we asked her afterwards what mark taught about and she replied, "mostly about jacob."  she was dead-on).  beforehand, dustin and i had talked about communion....would we let molly take it?  we both grew up in christian churches where the "norm" is that you ONLY take communion if you are "a baptized believer and member of the church".  heaven forbid you be anything else.  well, there's nothing biblical about that, so dustin and i decided that, yes, we would allow molly to take communion if she wanted.  we had talked before about what communion represents, and thought molly pretty much understood.  and at crossings, all people are invited to take common meal and meet Jesus to commune with Him.  so, when it was time for common meal, i helped molly get her cracker and juice and then bowed my head for my own time with Christ.  i looked up a bit later and molly's face was streaming with tears.  i said, "baby what's wrong?"  and she said, "i was thinking about Jesus on the cross....and it's just so sad."  wow.  i had to hold back my own tears to talk it through with her....we talked about how it WAS so sad - but that Jesus had to die to save us....and that He rose again.  (woo-hoo!!)  sure, she may not really understand the depth of Jesus' sacrifice yet (do any of us, really?) - but she gets it.  and she believes in Jesus.  and we are so happy to be a part of a faith community that allows us to make decisions like that - decisions, that ultimately, we think, will help our girls genuinely love Jesus and hopefully help them grow into a love-relationship with their Savior.....all without somebody checking the "baptized" and "membership" lists.  thank you, Lord!!!!  

for you, kristin

we are headed north today to visit dustin's folks.  so far, so good as far as the traveling goes.  molly was a bit dramatic as we left jack today (our friends wes & melanie are house/dog sitting for us), and adie has done ok.  she's still not the best traveler.  they had lots of fun at a huge mcdonald's playplace though, and now we're on the homestretch.  

christmas was a blast this year.  molly really enjoyed it....adie still didn't really get it yet.  i enjoy giving gifts to my kids, as i would assume any parent does.  it's especially gratifying when they are appreciative of what they've been given.  molly was so sweet after opening presents....  i was cleaning up and she came to me and gave me a great big hug and said, "mommy, thank you so much for all my presents."  and then she tried to give me one of her dollars from her allowance jar.  and said, "i just want to give you this b/c you got me so much stuff."  (we really didn't even get her THAT much!)  how sweet.  she really IS such a sweet little thing.  so tender-hearted.  i love that about her.  

i love giving gifts at christmastime.....we give out of love and appreciation of receiving the greatest gift of all in Jesus.  our Savior, our Redeemer.  a sweet baby King.  God in the flesh.  our Hero.  the One who makes it possible to have a relationship with God.  i love christmastime b/c i love celebrating the awe and mystery of God coming down to be with us.  how incredible is that?  the Creator and Sustainer of the universe wanted to make a way for us to know Him personally.  for ME to know Him personally.  when i think of that, i think of how often i have disappointed Him.....how often He has waited for me to talk to Him in prayer, or know Him more through Scripture, or make the most of opportunities He has given me to share His love with someone.....and i fail Him.  but i know His grace is enough for me....but i also don't want to take His precious grace for granted.  i want to grow and change and become ever-more like Christ......when will my desire overcome my weak flesh?  when?  it seems to be this way all the time.  i want it to change....Jesus change me.  i pray that we can all remember the awe and mystery of the christmas season throughout the year.  merry christmas to you all!

8 magnets

i am in the middle of a battle with adie.  all about 8 magnets.  8 magnets.  earlier today adie decided to take the letter magnets off the fridge and put them on the floor....and i told her then that it was fine, but that she would be putting them back on the fridge when she was done.  to which she said (after a reminding), "yes, ma'am".  we are now 30 minutes into the battle.....and i will win.  i keep sitting her in time out for one minute and then going to her after the minute is up and asking her if she wants to sit in time out some more, or put the magnets back on the fridge which, for some reason, she is not choosing, so she's in time-out again.....here we go....

YES!!!  the battle has been won!!!  after approximately 38 minutes of battle, mom has won!  woo-hoo!!!  magnets are back to their proper place on the fridge, adie is happily eating a sucker and has forgotten the 38 minute battle, and mom is feeling accomplished and proud of herself for not giving in.  yay me.